Streamlined Solopreneur: Tips to Help Solopreneurs Automate Their Business

Joe Casabona: Alright. So we are back with Part 2 of my interview with Leah Remillet. You can find Part 1 over at [streamlined.fm/460]. In that episode, we talked about work-life balance.

In this episode, it's a much more casual conversation where we kinda just talk about what it's like being a solopreneur mom versus being a solopreneur with dad. We exchange parenting notes and things like that. Really enjoyed this. So, again, you can find all of the show notes for this whole two-part experience over at [streamlined.fm/460].

Intro: Welcome to the Streamlined Solopreneur. A show for busy solopreneurs to help you improve your systems and processes so you can build a business while spending your time the way you want. I know you're busy, so let's get started.

Moving into kinda general parenting as a solopreneur, we were talking before we hit record about the expectations societally. I think people expect moms to be perfect. And dads, I can tell you from experience, the bar is so low that just being around is enough. And I experienced this immediately. Like, my daughter had been born 10 hours earlier. I'm changing her diaper in the hospital and the nurses come in and they're like, Wow, a dad changing a diaper? We never see that. And I'm like, How do you never see that? They're like, Oh, usually it's the mom. And I'm like, The one who just, like, gave birth and is, like, lying in bed. This is literally the only thing I could do for my kid right now. Like, literally, I can't feed her, right? I can't Well, skin-to-skin was just being introduced to dads at the time, but I felt weird, like, hanging out with my shirt off in a hospital room. So, I'm like, this is, like, the only thing. Right? It's changing the kid's diaper. So I learned immediately, like, the bar is so low for dads.

I guess the question I wanna, like, keep it open-ended a little bit, but, like, what are some of the things you've noticed, like, when you talk about, like, trying to find that balance of being a mom and being a business owner? Like or how has it changed? Here's a better question, right? Because you started in the late aughts. We've been through a lot as a society, I'll say, since then. How has the expectation or understanding changed? Because I went from, like, single white guy to married white kid white guy over that time. Like, a lot for me has changed, really. So has it changed? How has it changed for you?

Leah Remillet: So, I could take this in so many directions, but I'll start by saying, yes. There is this pressure, and I've often wondered how much of it is societal and how much of it is self induced. And I think if I'm being completely honest, it is both. Right? Like, I've put on my own pressure of I don't want them to think I can't do it all. I want them to think that I can make cookies from scratch even though I am genuinely the worst baker on the planet. Right? Like, I want them to think I can do all these things. For years, I kind of hid that I had a business to certain people within my community. Right? Like, everybody expects, oh, what does your husband do? And I can't even tell you how many times I've gotten the question.

I mean, I could not count the amount of times I've gotten a question when maybe somebody's looking at, I don't know, something we have, something we're doing. Maybe they're like, oh, what does your husband do? And how much I wanna say I did that? Thank you. Right? Like, there are these expectations. And it's funny because, okay, in one way, there's this part of me that wants to prove that I did it. In this other way, I'm not mentioning to the schools, you know, during the time when I was volunteering that, like, oh, yeah. I actually, like, fully work, right, the rest of the time because I wanted to just seem really available and all the other moms. And I was actually having this conversation with two of my girlfriends. We have a little Marco Polo where the three of us talk.
And we met each other fifteen years ago, all speaking at the same conference. We were all speakers, and we've just stayed friends the whole time. And we were talking about how one of the girls said she goes, I don't know about you guys. She goes, but in all of my circles of girlfriends, all the places, you know, she's moved three or four times. I've moved multiple times throughout these periods. She's, like, I have always been the only full time working mom in my group. And I was, like, wow. Actually, me too.

I've always been the only one who works full time. But on top of that, I do it from home. So it's a little bit hard for people to grasp and understand. Right? Like, they're like, I know you work, but, like, you don't go to an office like we're all used to. Right? And so it's been very interesting trying to navigate all that and navigate my feelings around it. The thing I've always wanted the most is, like, to know I'm a really, really good mom. Like, that has mattered so much to me. It's something that it was, like it was just I had to get that right.

Not that I'm perfect by any stretch, but, like, I had to get that right. And so often, that felt in competition with, like, owning a business. Like, oh, you worked outside the home? Well, technically, in, but you know what I mean. And right? And, like, these feelings. And you don't look at a man and think that. You automatically are, like, of course, what do you do? And so all of these things have been very interesting to work through through all these years, but there's definitely this feeling of, you know, you and I were joking. If you bring the kids to school and drop them off, they're like, you are amazing. Oh my gosh.

And, oh, mismatched socks. That's so cute. Dad was trying. If I bring them to school, mismatched socks or anything else, they're like, what? You couldn't get it together in time today? Like, what's happening with you? Pull yourself together, woman. Right? Like, there is a very real difference. I remember and I think this is a personal thing, but I really had some weird feelings around when I was bringing treats to the class that they were store bought. Like, I felt like, no. You're supposed to, like, make them yourself.

Again, I've already mentioned I'm terrible at baking, and I didn't have time, especially not time to fail and have to make them again. So I ended up deciding that my solution was, like, really, really high end bakeries. Like, fine. If I have to buy it, I'm gonna make sure I wow them by being, like, oh, those are so fancy. Those are gorgeous. And I just wow them on that side. And I look at that. I'm, like, that was all me.

That was my own insecurities, my own feelings, but that's how I compensated for it. So, yeah, hopefully, that kinda helps a little bit as we're talking about this.

Joe Casabona: Yeah. Absolutely. And it's it's really cool to hear that because, like, again, from our side, my wife does have she works full time. She's a nurse. Like we have pretty flexible schedules because she makes the schedule and she does three twelve hour shifts. So like she has more days off during the week than a normal, like nine to fiver does, but she puts that same pressure on herself. Right? Cause there'll be like, like, full on stay at home moms who have, like, the crazy birthday treat with, like, the and she's like, I wanna do that. I'm like, we both work full time, and we have three kids.

We just got a dog. And so, like, we're doing our best. And if people are, like, judging us for that, then, like, they're they either don't remember or they're just, like, not in the thick of it the way we are.

Leah Remillet: Yeah. I felt the same way. I wanted that Pinterest party. I wanted the Pinterest presentation of everything. And I think if I'm being really honest, while I was worried about others judging me, I was judging myself the worst. Right? Like, I was the one who wanted that Pinterest presentation that I got to share because some somehow, in my mind, it validated me as a mom. Even though who the heck cares? Right? That's not the point. The point is actually time.

It's actually how present I am when I'm with my kids. Right? Like, how you said when your daughter's like, daddy, I don't want you on your phone. And you're like, fine. Go hide it. That means way more to her, you being fully present with her, than how beautifully you can present her after school snack. Right? That was really my thing, but it is so true. There's expectations whether they're coming from society. We're building them up ourselves.

I mean, the other thing you and I talked about before we were recording that I think is so important to I just wanna mention is that as a working mom, it did not remove any of the other responsibilities from me. I was still expected, and I'm not I'm saying this societally. Like, my husband would try to help, but, like, it still fell on me what was gonna be for dinner if the house was clean, that the kids' projects were done and ready to be delivered to school, that we'd made the Valentine's Day box, and that I had the little Valentine's ready or whatever it was. Like, that was still all on me on top of being a business owner, on top of being part of our income or even at points our sole income. Right? Like, I never was able to shift those, and I don't think I don't think there's really any moms that can. I think we're getting so much better. I think even in these fifteen years that I've had a business, we've come so far as a society of realizing, like, these equal parts. But I really think there's something sad.

You've shared multiple times. Like, the bar is set so low for men. And I think we've taken a lot from men by doing that to you guys. Like, acting like like, you're not capable or we can't expect much from you. Like, you know, we're supposed to do all of it and just look over at you and be like, do you mind babysitting your own children tonight? Right? Or whatever.

Joe Casabona: Right. That's so funny you say that because, like, I mentioned at some point during an interview, like, oh, yeah. My wife is working. I've got the kids tonight. And she said, thank you for not saying babysit your kids. And I'm like, what an insane thing to, like, be ready to hear. Yes. I

Leah Remillet: can't tell you how often I've heard someone say, I'm babysitting the kids tonight. I'm sorry. You're not babysitting when they're your children. That's you're being a parent. That's that's not a babysitter.

Joe Casabona: That is that is table stakes. Spending time with your children is table stakes.

Leah Remillet: Yes.

Joe Casabona: So like, yeah, I and on the other side, right, I'm the president of the home and school association for my school. It's me and three stay well, I can't, like, part time working moms. One's at full stay at home. The treasurer is a guy, like, stereotypically, I would say. And then all of the homeroom parents are moms, right? Like I I like I was like homeroom parents, say homeroom parents, and then all moms signed up. And I remember our first meeting, like, talking about something and how it was, like, missing the Yankee game for that, and they're like, wow. Good for like, my husband would never do that or whatever. And I'm like, okay. Like, cool. Like, I can get the I can literally get the score update on my watch. Like, this is important to me and I wanna be present, and I know it's, like, extra work, but, like, you're right. I mean, the expectations thing is so interesting. I know we've gone over. I literally told you we weren't gonna take the whole time, and now we're, like, slightly overtime. I do wanna touch on something you said because I'm guilty of this too. Even when my wife is at work, I text her, and I'm like, what am I making for dinner tonight? Like because, like, you know, she like I told you, I'm not allowed to shop.

Yep. Because she does the shopping, and I'm like, does she have a plan? Did she want I don't wanna make chicken something. And then her be like, oh, I was saving that

Leah Remillet: for ten minutes. That was for tomorrow's dinner or whatever

Joe Casabona: you call it. Right. Yeah. So usually, she'll be like, oh, there's ground beef or something. So I'll still make the dinner, but I it's I still every day at, like, 1PM, I'm like, what am I making for it? Like, you tell me, chef, what am I making for dinner tonight?

Leah Remillet: But I oh my gosh. But I love that you're saying that. Can I just tell you, like, for every man listening, and maybe it's not even that they're gonna make dinner? Right? Like, so here's what I ended up deciding. I was, like, ultimately, I was, like, okay. This has to stop. I can't do everything. So here's my philosophy. My philosophy is I can be it all, but I cannot do it all.

Meaning, I can be epic mom, epic wife, epic business owner, great in my health, but I can't do every single thing. Right? So that's where we kinda get either delegation or outsourcing. So I have a house cleaner, I have groceries delivered to my doorstep, and I delegate cooking. Now your kids are a little young, but they're getting there to where I am gonna highly encourage you that as your kids start getting older, I would say eight is a great starting point. You start doing something like meal kits. You know, there's so many out there. So you just find whichever one works for you. You let them pick what the dinner's gonna be, and then that's their night to cook.

So I had three kids. We got three meals a week. They're in charge of that dinner. So, you know, a lot of it's done. They got to have the buy in of what it's gonna be. And in the early years, I'm the chef and they're the sous chef. But as they get older, it eventually replaces to they're the chef, I'm the sous chef. And then towards the end, they're doing it all by themselves.

And they're learning how to cook all these different things. Right? So that was three nights a week. Then one night a week was my husband, and I had to get over that, like, at the beginning, I wanted him to cook. Well, I have to cook, so he should have to cook. And then I was like, why, Leah? What's happening here? Right? And I got over that, and then I'm like, no. The whole point is just that I don't want to cook. So if he brings home takeout, great. So to every every man listening, like, you can just say, hey.

One night a week, I don't want you to have to cook. I'm bringing home takeout. Like, that's what I'm gonna do. I mean and if you're a cook, great. Do that. But it was like, I don't care if he brings home something. Like, I just don't wanna have to worry about that night. So that thing became four nights a week that I didn't need to be worrying about dinner.

So that only left me to well, actually, technically, two because we have Fridays, our fend for yourself night. So it's literally, like, everybody just go into the fridge. You find whatever you want. And you can do this when your kids are really little, and just you just gotta be okay with it. Let them eat cereal. Let them eat, you know, like, great. I'm gonna have chips and Jell Oh, Okay. Fine. Fine. That's what you get to have.

Joe Casabona: Yeah. Oh, I love that. And they would love that too. My kids are still in, like, the I want to help stage. Right? So, like but it's in, like, the I think it oh, you well, your husband's a doctor. Right? Maybe he's heard the quote of, like, show me an intern and I'll show you someone. And if they only double my work, I'll kiss their feet. I think that's, like, the saying. Right? Yes. Show me an intern who only doubles my work and kiss their feet.

Leah Remillet: That's a %. And that's one of the reasons why this is so easy to say, and it's so hard to do. Because in the beginning, it is going to be more work for you. And this is one of those things where you have to you have to look long term. And the long term is there's two incredible things. Number one is that you're teaching them self reliance. You are teaching them life skills that are gonna make them more confident as they grow up. And I can tell you, now, today, having two kids out of the house at university, and, you know, they're each, you know, started in dorms.

So, like, I have one that's in a dorm of there's six of them right now. And she has girls in her dorm room who have no idea how to cook. They had no idea how to do laundry. And there is enough newness when you're going away to school to not have to combat that with, like, oh my gosh. I feel like an idiot. I don't know how to make chicken. I don't know how to write. So there's reason number one.

Reason number two is the long term benefit of for years and years, three nights a week, I didn't have to touch anything. And I would just, like, come out, and I'm like, oh my gosh. We're having bulgogi bowls. I'm so excited. This is delicious. Right? And one of the kids had made it. So, yes, it's it's so true that short term, it's a little painful. But long term, it's so so worth that effort, and that's whatever we're trying to train him to do, whether it's, you know, how to properly clean a bathroom or cook dinner or whatever it might be.

Joe Casabona: Yeah. Absolutely. I'll tell you, there was a kid in my freshman year dorm room building whose mom would come once a week and do his laundry. And I was like, man, like, have some self respect. Yeah. Like Yeah. Give me a break. You don't gotta separate everything. Right? Like, you know, I don't do laundry the right way, but I I at least I do my own laundry.

Leah Remillet: But in all honesty, you don't really have to. So, you know, I will tell everybody. And this is part of, like, being a working mom and untangling that what I think I'm supposed to do and that guilt of, like, oh, like, but they're so busy. Things are so hard. And then it was, like, wait. So am I. Like, I'm so busy too. Why am I discounting that? So all of my kids did their own laundry.

They were expected that they cook one night a week. They had major chores, like, not just little ones. It was like, k. You're cleaning a section of the house, and you're doing it the right way. And, yes, did I have to deal with, like, all kinds of complaining and excuses and not doing it the right way and, you know, all those things? Absolutely. But now that I am on that other side, I'm so grateful. And I'll tell you, you know, you're sharing the side of being in a dorm and watching someone not know how to do these things. And I'll share it from the side of hearing a bunch of moms speaking and laughing and joking together about, like, oh, my gosh.

My kid's not gonna have any idea how to do laundry, how to cook, how to figure this stuff out. And I'm, like, that's actually not funny. Like, this is sad. Funny. Like, this is not helping them. True confidence comes from do like, realizing what we're capable of, realizing what all we can do. We all I mean, I think we as entrepreneurs get this because we all start at zero where we have to figure everything out. We're, like, sitting there with YouTube trying to figure out how to code in the snippet or whatever it is, build out the workflow, right, because we can't afford to hire someone yet.

So we all went through that. And that confidence that we got when, like, you had the moment where you wanted to throw the computer screen. You were so done and so frustrated, and I have spent so many hours, and then you got through to the other side. And yet, we rob our kids of that because we want them to stay comfortable, and we don't understand that this short term comfort could lead to a lifetime of discomfort, of pain, of insecurity because they don't have that confidence. And the bonus is this is how we're able to be it all and not do it all. You delegate to your children.

Joe Casabona: Yes. Yeah. Love that. That's so great. In a perfect world, we would end on that, but there's a couple more things I wanna mention here because I think they're important. Right? And one is that I taught at the college level for about ten years, and the two or, like, three things that really stick out in my mind are, like, there were multiple students who were like, oh, yeah. My mom helps me with my homework. I'm like, you are 19 years old.

Stop that. And then there were two times where parents called me, and, like, one was like, I'm wondering why my son failed your class. And I'm like, I'm wondering who your son is because he never came to class. Right? And then he was, like, floored by that. And there was another who was, like, a mother called asking if I would give her son extra credit. And I'm like, do you understand that your son is a full blown adult? Yeah. Like, if he wants something, he can come to me.

Leah Remillet: Oh. And Amen. Yeah.

Joe Casabona: Yeah. This is so true. Credit, he was mortified. Right? He was like, I'm so sorry. My mom calls you.

Leah Remillet: And, you know, like, I get where it comes from. I fully get like, I think this is such an important conversation we all need to be having. If anyone hasn't read Anxious Generation, like, they should go out and read that because that

Joe Casabona: Jonathan had Yes.

Leah Remillet: Had he had Yes. Or hate.

Joe Casabona: Yes. Yes. Something like that. So it's on my Kindle. I need to read it.

Leah Remillet: Yeah. You need to. It is mind blowing, especially at the age your kids are at. Oh my gosh. It's because I, you know, I read it. My kids were so much older, and I got, you know, I got a lot of it right, which I was like, oh, phew. But there were so many things that I'm like, dang it. Because I know I stepped in too many times.

I smoothed the road too many times. I was like, I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want right? And, anyways, it's so good. But this idea, I had a Stanford professor on my podcast a while back, and he said the same thing, that he has had parents call. And I'm like, are you kidding? Like, how? Like, this is just mind blowing to me. And I think I don't wanna be too hard on the parent because we've all done this. Every single one of us has stepped in when we shouldn't have. But that parent who's like, I wanna understand why my child failed, and it's like, I think you actually already answered it.

The fact that you're calling and asking is probably the problem. Right? We've got to let our kids do hard things, and that means we're going to watch them fail a little bit. So we wanna do that when the stakes are a lot smaller. We wanna do it when they're young, when it's, like, you know, like, junior high, elementary school. It's not going on to a college transcript yet. If they fail, it genuinely does not matter. It won't. K? Like, I promise.

It's fine. Right? So Yes. We need to try to do these things when they're younger so that as they're getting into, you know, the ninth grade on and it is gonna count, that they've learned how to check for themselves. So I teach an early morning religion class. I volunteer to teach, and it's to get a seminary degree for high school students. So I teach it from ninth grade to twelfth grade, and I teach the juniors and seniors. And one of the questions so so in order for them to apply to the university, so Brigham Young University, they have to get an endorsement from me as their seminary teacher with their application to Brigham Young University. And one of the questions specifically is, do they resolve problems without parent help? That is literally one of the questions that I answer.

And so, you know, just thinking about that and realizing, like, we need to set our kids up to be able to do this. And, you know, there's parents who are, like, I can't even get my child to, like, go into the store by themselves to, like, pick up the phone. I get that. Right? Like, I very much understand that. So we're gonna start small. And, I mean, I feel like we could go on a whole another tangent on this, but, like, yes.

Joe Casabona: No. This is already gonna be a two part episode. Oh my goodness.

Leah Remillet: But I'll say, anxious generation. Like, read that book because it is mind blowing, and it will help so much with, like, these thoughts and, like, okay. What does this actually look like, and and where do we go from here when we're realizing, yeah, I am smoothing the path too much. Like, they are dealing with a lot of anxiety and fear, and we want them to be confident. Right? Like, we want them to feel like they can do hard things, that they can pick themselves up, that they can be resilient. And so how do we help them do that?

Joe Casabona: Oh, that's so good. This is dovetails perfectly with what I was gonna say about because my wife and I talk about this all the time, then we'll wrap up. I'm I promise. Because, like, you know, she's like, how did our parents do it? Right? Like, I had three younger brothers and she had and I'm like, well, because in the nineties, you did not care about kids as much as we have to care about now. And, like, it's it's great because they're learning that, like, it's okay that dad cries. I'm an emotional Italian. I cry a lot. But, like, it also puts a lot of pressure on us, and we overcorrect.

And some people do coddle. Right? There was, like, a whole generation of people who wanted to be their kids' friends, and I already told them. I'm like, I am not your friend.

Leah Remillet: Yeah.

Joe Casabona: I am the person who makes sure you don't turn into an idiot when you're an adult.

Leah Remillet: Right. Right. A %. This is oh, I love that you're saying this, and this is so true. So anxious generation, one of the things that's gonna talks about I think it was an anxious generation. Anyways, it's like, what is the time in your childhood that was, like, this moment? It was, like, your favorite experience. And they were saying how whenever they ask this, it usually comes back to, almost always, this thing that you got to do by yourself where you felt really grown up. Like, maybe you got to ride your bike to the little store and get candy or right? Like, something like that.

So so me, I lived in Downtown Seattle on a boat, and we could take the trolley and, oh, it's on my own podcast. Oh, my gosh. That's hilarious. It is on my own podcast. Okay. Anyways, I'm remembering now. Now I'm trying to remember what interview it was. I'm, like, having this moment where, like, what interview was that? Okay.

Anyways, so mine was I'm on this trolley, and I would get to go down to Pike Place Market with my sister and our two best friends. Like, I felt so cool so grown up. Kate, our generation of raising kids, we feel like we are, to be very honest, really bad parents if we let them do things by themselves. Right? Like, we monitor them at the playground. We organize the play dates. We call and schedule it for them. I mean, all you have to do is think about, like, remember how you used to have to pick up the phone and see if, you know, your friend Johnny was available, and maybe dad answered the phone, and he was kinda scary, and you're like, oh, crud. Right? Like, we do all of these things for them, and it just it's not the answer. Right? Like, it's not the answer. So this idea of letting them do these hard things, letting them learn for themselves, it makes all the difference. Okay. The interview. The one I am referring to is doctor Camilo Ortiz. It's episode one twenty one on my podcast. So if you go to 121.balancingbusypodcast.com, That's the episode. It's called why overparenting is creating anxiety and what to do instead with doctor Camilo Ortiz.

Okay. That's hilarious. It was my own.

Joe Casabona: That's fantastic. And a great reminder that you can get all of the show notes, everything we talk about, even though this will be a two parter. All of the show notes will be at streamlined.fm/46zero. Leah, I could literally keep talking to you for, like, two more hours. I know. But, you know, we have stuff to do. So

Leah Remillet: It's true.

Joe Casabona: Thank you so much for sharing insight on finding balance and parenting. Where can people find you?

Leah Remillet: We already know they have great taste in podcasts. So I'm gonna say you're already on your podcast platform right now. The the first thing you can do is just go search balancing busy, find my podcast, and follow it. And then, you know, do a little search. Look for a couple episodes you're interested in. Download them so that they'll be in your queue when you're on your next walk or on a drive. If you're interested in this parenting conversation, that episode, truly, I think is my favorite interview I've ever done. So that was 121.balancingbusypodcast.com.

You can go to balancingbusy.com as my website. I've got tons of free resources, Everything from my top 10 favorite tips for time management, especially, like, as working entrepreneurial parents and all kinds of resources there. So that's what I would suggest.

Joe Casabona: Fantastic. Well, Leah Remile, thank you so much for coming on the show. I really appreciate it.

Leah Remillet: Thank you.

Joe Casabona: I want to thank Leah again for spending extra time. I think we spent about two hours on the recording, and she was just so generous with her time and her knowledge. And I would strongly encourage you to check out her podcast.

Everything that we talked about, all of the links, all of the shows, all of the gear, and things like that, the books will be linked in the show notes. There's gonna be one page for both parts of this episode over at [streamlined.fm/460]. Of course, you could probably also find it in the description wherever you're listening to this as well. Bu

But, thank you so much for listening. And until next time, I'll see you out there.